


"I Wanted to Hear Your Voice"

by ElizaSam



Series: Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never Loved at All (Malec) [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Goodbyes, Last Moments, Love, M/M, Phone Calls, True Love, mention of Jace and Izzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23174119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaSam/pseuds/ElizaSam
Summary: When Alec has been fatally injured, his only priority is hearing Magnus's voice.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never Loved at All (Malec) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687996
Comments: 17
Kudos: 129
Collections: Malec One Shots





	"I Wanted to Hear Your Voice"

The pavement is wet. Sticky, viscous blood has begun to settle into the cracks, strings of a spider’s web slowly expanding outward from the center. Its ruby color has dulled to a subdue brown shade, and it mirrors the man on his knees, cradling his stomach. 

His wound is gaping. Blood stains decorate pale fingers, but they are covered by the continued spillage of vital fluid, still warm from the heat of his body. The stab had been perfectly aimed and accompanied by additional scratches along his chest and lower body. The werewolf had been thorough, if not wholly present in the moment, and Alec had known immediately that he didn’t stand a chance. A sharp jab to the lung, a half-bite to the arm; the rogue werewolf had not stopped long enough for Alec to reinforce any runes. He’d been forced to fight through the fog of exhaustion and the screaming of his muscles without aid, quickly discarding his bow for two shining seraph blades, and mentally begging his body to move and defend itself.

Similar incidents had been escalating throughout New York, of Downworlders going rogue, and there were simply not enough Shadowhunters available to address the issue. They’d been run thin, calling in reinforcements from all over the country. Some Institutes had responded, but most were tied up in their own issues, unable to spare any help. They’d sent additional weapons and messages of support instead. But sentiments couldn’t help in a fight, and the Lightwood siblings had quickly been taken from their administrative roles and thrust back onto the streets. 

Falling into old habits, Izzy and Jace had immediately gone on the offensive while Alec covered their backs. He had defended them fiercely and bravely, too busy protecting his siblings to ensure his own safety. And now he was paying for it. 

Scars of failed iratzes scattered across his body. He’d frantically drawn three, four, nine, ten into his skin, practically _carving _the familiar lines and drawing blood. But it wasn’t enough. Vital organs had been punctured, and it was too late for iratzes or magic. It was too late for him.__

__Alec Lightwood was dying._ _

__He had known it would happen eventually. The very nature of Shadowhunters was to train young and fight hard as they constantly evaded the claws of death. No other occupation demanded so much from its staff. No other people sent their children into battle, barely out of the crib before they were handed a weapon. No other people attended funerals on a regular basis or built relationships on the strength of their alignment and future children. No other people said goodbye to their families each morning and actually meant it._ _

__For a while now, Alec had dared to hope that he might make it, might beat the odds. He’d been promoted and fought on the streets less and less as time went on, training more so to keep in shape and teach younger Shadowhunters. His bow and arrow had become a method of stress release rather than defense, and the hard calluses on his hands had begun to soften from the loving treatment of his boyfriend._ _

____Magnus._ ____ _

____It was because of Magnus that Alec had dared to hope. Within the span of a few months, the Shadowhunter had suddenly found himself head over heels for a sparkly warlock, ready to disregard all previous inhibitions in an instant. He had stayed the night in a Downworlder’s home, shared his strength with the same warlock, and left his own people at the altar for that very Downworlder._ _ _ _

____But Magnus was so much more than a Downworlder._ _ _ _

____Magnus kept Alec human._ _ _ _

____As much as he disliked mundanes, Alec sometimes yearned for the simplicity of their lives. What would it be like to live without fear of demons or the Clave or certain death? To watch movies and go to dinner, to laugh and love without constraints? What would it be like to plan for the future? To marry and honeymoon, to celebrate a relationship as your top priority. To spend hours sitting at a coffee shop or reading a novel, where the dangers of his life were nothing more than a fantasy adventure on a page. What would it be like to have kids, to bring them into the world without condemning them to a life of fighting or struggle or fear?_ _ _ _

____What would it be like to actually _ _live ___ _?___ _ _ _

______Magnus had shown him. He’d given Alec the joy of traveling and exploring new countries, of speaking to people with fascination as opposed to suspicion. Magnus had introduced him to the joys of Asian cuisine and Hispanic partying, of lazy days with an authentic Italian espresso._ _ _ _ _ _

______But more than that, Magnus had given Alec a love beyond duty or family. Alec loved Magnus. He loved him with every fiber of his body. He loved the swoop of Magnus’s bed head and the taste of skin when he nibbled on a neck free of jewelry. He loved Magnus’s sharp wit and the cat-like grace that he moved with. He loved quiet nights in the loft, soft fingers stroking through dark hair as he balanced in the twilight zone between present and asleep. Alec loved their battle for the Chairman’s affection and the intimacy of his navy painted toenails, hidden away for only Magnus._ _ _ _ _ _

______Alec loved Magnus with a ferocity that left him speechless. Its warmth wiggled its way into his chest, and every 'thump thump' reminded him that another heart beat with his. Another soul loved his; another soul was his. Alec and Magnus’s love made two lonely hearts into something beautiful and precious, into something that was only theirs.___ _ _ _

________And neither demon nor death could steal that away from them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Wincing at the effort, Alec slides his phone out, ignoring the bloodstains on the pocket of his jacket. He pushes on Magnus’s contact and chooses to focus on the smiling face of his boyfriend as opposed to the shattered glass of his phone screen. That doesn’t matter now. Only Magnus matters._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hello darling, to what do I owe the pleasure?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Warmth radiates from Magnus’s voice, slightly garbled by the crackling of Alec’s broken phone. But it’s enough. It’s in that moment that Alec knows he will be okay. He won’t live, won’t survive more than a few moments more, but he can survive the impending divide. He can leave this world content with nothing more than the memory of Magnus’s loving voice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And now, he needs to make sure that Magnus will survive as well._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He needs to give Magnus one last moment of calm, of belief that Alec is alive and well and returning that night in time for cuddles. He needs to give Magnus one last happy memory before the world crumbles and his boyfriend has died. He needs to give Magnus his love one last time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I just wanted to hear your voice. What are you up to?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Clients, as usual. A vamp wants a love potion, though I can’t imagine how that’s going to go, and a werewolf needed help settling the stomach of his pregnant mate. It’s sweet, really.” Alec smiles, hearing as a tone of amour settles into Magnus’s tone. He loves when Magnus’s tough and jaded shield fades away, loves that only he is privy to it. “But what about you, darling? How is your day?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alec swallows the lump in his throat, pausing to ensure that he can keep the waver out of his voice. “It’s pretty typical. We’ve been keeping an eye out on the rogue Downworlders, but it’s more difficult to contain them without harming them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re being safe, darling; aren’t you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Al- always, Magnus.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A tinge of worry has crept into Magnus’s tone. “Let me know if I can do anything. I admire your dedication to contain the rogues without hurting them, but don’t sacrifice your own safety to do so. What would I do without my Alexander?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Steal all of Chairman’s affection, I’d imagine.” Alec can feel the prickle of tears, and he swipes them away quickly. “That’s probably the only way he’d pick you…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I am deeply offended by that, Alexander.” Magnus’s voice is teasing once again. “The Chairman is my most loyal friend.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Hey Mag- hey Magnus?” It’s getting more difficult for Alec to speak, and he rolls from his knees onto his back. In this position, his wound bleeds a little less, but it’s harder to ignore the hard pavement under his back. Its iciness begins to seep into his body, and he fights to keep the chill from his voice. “I think I may be back a little later tonight than we planned.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Should I delay dinner? I’m happy to wait for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, go ahead and eat.” He wants to make sure Magnus gets at least one more good meal in him. “But you should invite Catarina over. Catch up; you haven’t seen her in a few weeks.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re sure? I’d much rather wait for you…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alec shakes his head, forgetting that Magnus cannot see through the phone. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back, and I’d feel much better knowing Catarina is keeping you company. I don’t want you to hear- I don’t want you waiting around worrying about me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ll always worry about you, darling. But alright; it will be nice to catch up with her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Go- good.” A cough wracks his chest, and Alec quickly pulls the phone away from his face to keep the sound from traveling to Magnus. “I’ve- I’ve got to go. But have a nice evening, Magnus.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Thank you, Alexander. I’ll see you soon.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The tears have begun to fall, and Alec can’t muster up the strength to wipe them away. He can feel as they carve tracks down his face, trails of heartache left in their wake. “I love you, Magnus. You know that, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Of course, Alexander. And I love you, too. You clumsy, grumpy-faced Shadowhunter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A laugh bubbles through Alec’s tears. “You overly sarcastic, secretly a homebody warlock. I’ll- I’ll see you soon.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ll see you soon, Alexander.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The line goes dead, and Alec drops his phone on his chest, struggling to pull in breaths. It’s a comforting weight, the knowledge that he’s done all he can for Magnus. Now, it will be up to Catarina and Ragnor and Raphael to take care of his Magnus, to pick up the pieces. He knows it will break him, that his death will tear out his boyfriend’s heart and leave only a gaping hole. But he also knows that Magnus is strong._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eventually, Magnus will recover and return to a slightly more empty, but normal life. He’ll serve clients and help the Shadowhunters- while charging them a pretty penny- and listen to music in the safe confines of the loft._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Magnus will live for them both._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And that’s enough for Alec to finally stop fighting, to relinquish nature’s pull on his exhausted body and surrender to the melancholy reality of Shadowhunter life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Finally, Alexander Gideon Lightwood rests._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
